Chapter 11 Topics for Discussion

  1. Discuss the intimate relationships that you most admire. These may range from those of parents to friends to those depicted in novels or films. Of course, be sure to evaluate the "reality" of any fictional relationships you discuss.
  2. To what extent do you think people plan for intimacy or just respond to conditions for intimacy? Do you find yourself using initial interactions as auditions for friendship? If so, what do you look for? What tests or experiments do you use to discover intimacy potential? What risks are involved?
  3. Is involvement in a friendship as voluntary as Rawlins suggests? If so, are voluntary activities a major distinction between friendships and romantic relationships? What other differences in communication distinguish friends from intimate couples?
  4. When are people most likely to be in what Knapp calls a state of intimacy readiness?
  5. How can we best resolve the contrary notions that "birds of a feather flock together" and "opposites attract"?
  6. What sources of attraction, other than those mentioned in the chapter, can you identify? Using filtering theory as a guide, when do you think each of the sources of attraction you’ve identified, plus those in the chapter, are most salient?
  7. Have you ever been in an URP? What was the trigger that set you and your partner off? How was it resolved?
  8. Do you think that Gottman’s "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" encompass all the behaviors typical of declining relationships? Can you think of a situation where one or more his relationship patterns can be applied?
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