Chapter 8 Sample answers for in-book discussion questions

1. Why do we form relationships with other people?

I don’t think we could imagine our lives without relationships. Although it is true that we cannot always choose what relationships we are part of, when things are not “good” we strive to make them better. The quality of our relationships can provide us with much happiness, satisfaction, and health. For those relationships that we can choose, there are many factors that influence why we form these relationships over others. The chapter outlines a number of these factors. Appearance plays a role when forming our first impressions. We tend to be attracted to people who are similar to us, or those whose traits complement our own. The costs and rewards of the relationship are often a consideration. Proximity, our perceptions of the other person’s competence, and reciprocal self-disclosure can also encourage the formation of relationships. With these factors in mind, when we have positive associations about others, we try to form stronger connections and bonds with them.

5. Despite its importance, metacommunication is not a common feature of most relationships. Why do you think this is?

Metacommunication is communication about communication and research shows that it is an essential part of successful relationships. However, people are often hesitant to discuss problems in their relationships with one another directly. They may wish to avoid a negative tone or the potential to provoke conflict. Many couples consider the state of their relationship and the norms that govern their lives together to be “taboo” topics of discussion. In general, couples do not discuss specific aspects of their relationship that are working well or things that are not working well, which leaves these issues in “limbo” until it becomes necessary to address them.