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Language is a foundation for our interpersonal relationships, and it is a tool for understanding and expressing who we are. There are several key features that characterize how we use and understand language. Language is symbolic, and our words are arbitrary to what they mean (or represent). Language is governed by rules—phonological, syntactic, semantic, and pragmatic. We use these rules to make sense of what we and others are saying. Language is subjective, meaning that each of us attaches different meanings to words or phrases. Finally, language is linked to worldview. The ways we speak, including the words we use, reflect our culture and our values, beliefs, and attitudes.
Language can be very powerful. It can have a strong effect on our perceptions and attitudes about others. Language is influenced by who we are and what we do. Our names can reflect our identity and affect how we are perceived. We tend to consider people’s vocabulary and accent when determining their credibility and status. Research finds that people adapt their language in various ways to build and demonstrate solidarity with others (or, in some cases, to set themselves apart). We also use language to exert power in order to influence others. Since language and thinking are interrelated, the language we use when referring to others can contribute to stereotyping and prejudice based on sex, sexual orientation, race, etc.
Because language can shape the way we perceive and understand the world, we also need to be aware of the ways we use language in both effective and ineffective ways. Many people assume that the goal of language is to make our ideas clear to one another, but there are many other goals that we (or others) may have when we communicate. We may speak vaguely or generally with others and cause confusion in meaning. Some misunderstandings in language arise from ambiguous language, which can have multiple meanings. Others result from excessive abstraction. Some other examples of general or vague language include euphemisms, relative language, and evaluative language.
Our language also reflects our willingness to take responsibility for our beliefs, feelings, and actions. Accepting or rejecting responsibility for what we say can shape the tone of a relationship. Some examples of problems with responsibility include “it” statements, “but” statements, and “you” statements. Sometimes our language use may be disruptive and cause unnecessary conflict with others. Adding “I” statements and “we” statements can help to improve communication.
Although there are some similarities among the many languages of the world, they differ in important respects that affect the way their speakers communicate with one another and with speakers of other languages. Low-context cultures use language primarily to express thoughts, feelings, and ideas directly. High-context cultures rely on subtle, often non-verbal cues to maintain social harmony when communicating. It is important to be mindful of these differences in communication in order to avoid misunderstandings. Communication styles are also important. Some cultures differ in the degree of formality or informality, elaboration or succinctness, and directness or indirectness they use when communicating with others. Code-switching involves alternating between two or more languages or varieties of a language depending on the conversational context.
Gender appears to influence some elements of conversation, specifically regarding the content discussed, reasons for communicating, amount of talking, and conversation style. Generally, women tend to say more and try to emotionally connect more often than men, who tend to say less and try to be more directive when communicating. Gender differences are particularly pronounced in online communication.
However, the link between sex and language use is not as clear-cut as it might seem. Some studies suggest that gender differences in language use are negligible, and men’s and women’s speech are far more similar than different. Moreover, other variables, such as occupation, power, and social status all play a role in communication differences.