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Activity 1
For the following scenarios, choose two listening styles discussed in this chapter that you think would be the most appropriate to manage effectively the relationships below. In addition, choose one style that would not be appropriate. Following your choices, explain why you chose each style respectively.
Nursing Scenario
Terri keeps getting the idea that Dr. Blake is angry with her. For the last four shifts, he hasn’t been joking around with her or making small talk. Normally, Dr. Blake makes comments about Terri’s impressive bedside manners with patients and compliments her on the generous amount of support she gives to several of the new nurses in the department. Terri mentioned this to her colleague, Gerri. How should she respond?
Dr. Blake has had a very hard week. He and his partner have decided to separate after raising a family for nine years. To top it all off, Dr. Blake found out his father has terminal stage four lymphoma and he lives in San Diego, on the other coast. Instead of taking much needed time off, Dr. Blake is using work as a distraction. His one saving grace is the relationship he has with Terri, the RN on the floor he works on at the hospital. Terri has seemed “off” this week and a couple of patients have commented on how Terri has lost her sunshine and often looks sad. Dr. Blake has enough on his plate now, but is concerned enough to let another nurse know his concern for his friend, so he asked Gerri if she noticed anything different about Terri this week. How should she respond?
Business Scenario
Bill has approached Robin to tell him about how things are going at work. He is concerned about Patrick, who recently talked to Bill about wanting to quit. A few members of the department are ganging up on him and being very disrespectful to him. Bill has asked Robin for his advice. Robin wants to help. How should he respond?
Robin has been working in the same department for several years. Some of the people are a little rough around the edges and can come across as harsh bullies from time to time. HR has done a great job of offering sensitivity training and coaching for those who need it most. This company invests in their people and Robin has always had a positive experience at work. This past week, he noticed that Patrick was getting ganged up on by some other staff members. Their supervisor, Bill has asked Robin to help ease the pressures on Patrick from the others, but Robin has no idea how to intervene without suggesting HR becomes involved. How should he respond?
Communication Scenario
Veyda and Jill have been friends since the beginning of high school. Since coming to college, Veyda has been doing very well in most of her classes. Jill, on the other hand, has been pretty discouraged with her grades at school lately. She just can’t seem to be able to do well in any of her subjects and gets frustrated when Veyda talks about her good grades. Jill has just told Veyda how she has been feeling about this. Veyda wants to make her feel better about school. How should she respond?
Jill is frustrated because her best friend Veyda doesn’t seem to understand Jill’s challenges and struggles with studies. High school was not easy for Jill and now in college, things seem so overwhelming. Keeping track of six classes each day, assignments, activities, and projects along with quizzes and exams is a lot of work. Then, actually sitting down to do the readings and the work is another story. Jill feels like she is ready to quit school and maybe take a trade skill in cosmetology instead of worrying about academia and a bachelor’s degree. Jill feels stupid and alone because Veyda is smart. Veyda has been asking her to take some time so they can talk through school together. How should she respond?
Activity 2
Active Listening Scenarios
Read the following scenarios and determine whether each interaction is an example of active or non-active listening.
- Diego’s friend, Elizabeth, has been acting oddly at school. Recently, she’s been easily agitated, and less playful and energetic. Sometimes she seems normal, but often she claims to be too tired to participate in activities with their friends. Her friends are aware that Elizabeth’s grandmother, whom she was very close with, recently passed away; however, none of her friends know what to say to her about it, so they never bring up the topic. Eventually, Diego decides to sit down and talk to Elizabeth about what is going on, hoping to understand why she isn’t acting like herself.
Interaction 1
Elizabeth: I’m angry and exhausted. It’s like my body aches. No matter how much I sleep, I feel tired.
Diego: Maybe you just need some coffee. Let’s get some coffee, you’ll feel better.
Elizabeth: I don’t think so. I get enough sleep. I think I just...it’s nice to be able to talk to you. Nobody wants to talk about it, so it makes it harder to be around everyone, you know? Like I’m acting.
Diego: Just ignore them, they’re losers. You’re just having a tough week, that’s all. You should try crying, letting it all out. You’ll feel better.
Elizabeth: I don’t know. I don’t really feel like crying. I’m just tired of being alone all the time.
Diego: Try not to be negative; things will get better.
Interaction 2
Elizabeth: I’m angry and exhausted. It’s like my body aches. No matter how much I sleep, I feel tired.
Diego: You’ve got a lot going on right now. Do you think it’s wearing you out physically?
Elizabeth: Yes, maybe. I get enough sleep, though. I think I just...it’s nice to be able to talk to you. Nobody wants to talk about it, so it makes it harder to be around everyone, you know? Like I’m acting.
Diego: Yeah, it must not be easy to be around people who’d prefer to ignore what’s going on with you.
Elizabeth: It is. It’s like nobody is okay with me just being sad, but I don’t want to be alone all the time, so I have to act normal in order to be around our friends. Nobody can make it better, but that doesn’t mean they have to ignore it.
Diego: It seems like you’re exhausted with having to pretend like everything is normal. I’m sorry that you’ve had to deal with all of this alone. If talking about it helps the most, I’m here for you.
- Lewis and Evan are seniors in high school and have been dating for over a year. During an outing to a local carnival, the couple run into the parents of an old childhood friend of Evan’s. The parents are very friendly and reminisce about Evan as a child. Evan politely introduces the parents to Lewis; however, he introduces Lewis as his “good friend” instead of his boyfriend. While Lewis goes along with it in the moment, Evan’s introduction really upsets him. On the walk home, Lewis attempts to talk to Evan about what happened.
Interaction 1
Lewis: Earlier, when we ran into your friend’s parents, why did you introduce me as your “good friend” instead of your boyfriend? They seemed nice; I don’t see why you couldn’t have been honest.
Evan: Sorry about that, it’s not a big deal. We’ll probably never see them again anyway.
Lewis: It’s a big deal to me. It makes me feel like I’m not an important part of your life. I always introduce you as my boyfriend, because that’s what you are to me: more than just a friend.
Evan: Okay, I get it. Next time I’ll say you’re my boyfriend.
Lewis: That’s not what I’m saying. It’s not just calling me your “boyfriend,” it’s what that stands for. It’s a bigger issue than that. I want us to be even.
Evan: Me, too. I think we’re even. It’s really not that big of an issue; don’t worry about it. By tomorrow those people won’t even remember they ran into us.
Interaction 2
Lewis: Earlier, when we ran into your friend’s parents, why did you introduce me as your “good friend” instead of your boyfriend? They seemed nice; I don’t see why you couldn’t have been honest.
Evan: Sorry about that. I wasn’t trying to be dishonest, I just got nervous and said the wrong thing. Are you all right?
Lewis: Honestly, it makes me feel like I’m not an important part of your life when you introduce me as a friend. I always introduce you as my boyfriend, because that’s what you are to me: more than just a friend.
Evan: I understand. You are an important part of my life; I didn’t mean to make you feel less than that. It was an accident, but it doesn’t mean that our relationship isn’t important to me.
Lewis: Thanks. I just want to know that we’re equally invested. It’s not just a title to me; it’s what it stands for.
Evan: I agree, and I can tell this is really important to you, so I’ll do my best to respect that in the future. You’re important to me and I don’t want you to feel like I’m afraid to show that.