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The role of emotions in relationships is a common interest to social scientists. The concept of emotional intelligence has become part of our everyday understanding about how effectively people get along with others. Research on emotional intelligence (EI) tells us that EI is positively linked with self-esteem and life satisfaction, healthy conflict communication, empathic listening abilities, and effective workplace interactions. Because emotions are an important part of human communication, this chapter explores what feelings are, how emotions are handled in our society, and how recognizing and expressing emotions can improve relationships.
In the context of interpersonal communication, it is useful to examine three components of emotions to understand their role in our social relationships: physiological, cognitive, and outward expression, both verbal and non-verbal.
There are many ways in which people develop their emotional expression. Some research tells us that our personality traits influence how we experience and communicate emotions. Culture is also a major influence on how we express emotion. There are basic emotions that are considered universal among all cultures; however, the same events may not generate the same emotions, and the ways in which people from various cultures value and display their feelings also vary. Gender roles shape the ways in which men and women express and experience emotions. Some of the differences in how men and women emote are found among various cultures. Our social conventions and social roles often tell us how and when we should express emotion (or not express emotion). Depending on how society shapes the expression of emotions, people may or may not disclose their true feelings in their relationships. Social media can be beneficial for some people by causing them to be less inhibited when expressing emotion. This kind of disinhibition, of course, can have both positive and negative consequences. Our own emotions are also strongly influenced by the emotions of others around us—emotional contagion.
A wide range of research supports the value of expressing emotions appropriately. Expressing emotions effectively provides physiological, psychological, and social benefits. There are several ways that can help you decide when and how to express your emotions: recognize your feelings, choose the best language to describe how you feel, share multiple feelings, recognize the difference between feeling and acting, accept responsibility for your feelings, and choose the best time and place to express your feelings.
In order to manage your emotions effectively, it is important to distinguish between facilitative emotions, which contribute to effective functioning, and debilitative emotions, which hinder or prevent effective performance. The rational–emotive approach focuses on recognizing how our thoughts about an event influence the way we feel about it and involves changing debilitative emotions by reappraising the event through self-talk. Often debilitative feelings are caused by irrational thoughts about events, called fallacies. Some fallacies discussed include the fallacies of perfection, approval, should, over-generalization, causation, helplessness, and catastrophic expectations. Ways to minimize these fallacies and debilitative emotions involve paying more attention to your thoughts by monitoring your emotional reactions to events, noting activating events, recording your self-talk, disputing your irrational beliefs, and changing your self-talk.