Chapter 2 Chapter overview

The way you regard yourself—the relatively stable set of perceptions you hold of yourself—is considered your self-concept. Descriptions of self-concept may include physical characteristics, intellectual characteristics, moods, attitudes, social characteristics, belief systems, skills, and abilities. The way you evaluate your self-concept is considered your self-esteem. Your self-esteem, or self-worth, is determined by how you feel about these qualities. Self-compassion is the ability to be accepting of one’s self and one’s shortcomings. Self-control is the ability to self-regulate in the service of long-term goals and avoid procrastination.

Our self-concept answers the question, “Who am I?” through two complementary theories that describe how interaction shapes the way individuals view themselves. Reflected appraisals focus on how our self-concept is shaped by others. We also use social comparison to evaluate our own characteristics.

When we think about how the self-concept develops, we need to consider forces that are larger than our family, friends, and immediate community members. Our identities are shaped by our age and place in history, our gender identity, our sexual orientation, our physical abilities or disabilities, our cultural background, and co-cultures we belong to. Our cultural values and norms, language, and identity create the larger social context in which our self-concept develops. One of the most powerful dimensions of culture on our identities is the emphasis different cultures place on the importance of the individual (individualistic culture) versus the importance of the group (collectivistic culture).

There are several key characteristics of the self-concept that are important to recognize: it is subjective, flexible, and resistant to change. The self-concept is such a powerful influence on the personality that it not only determines how you see yourself in the present but can also actually affect your future behaviour and that of others. We call these self-fulfilling prophecies.

As humans, we have the ability to manage the way we present our self-concept to others. Each of us possesses several selves, some private and others public. These selves are often quite different and reflect how we want others to view us. We have a perceived self, which is the person we believe ourselves to be. We also have a public image—presenting self—which is the way we want to appear to others. These multiple identities become important in different communication contexts and environments. There are some situations when paying attention to yourself and adapting your behaviour can be useful, and other times when reacting without considering the effect on others is a better approach. This demonstrates the notion of communication competence.

Our identity management involves disclosing information about the self—self-disclosure. When we communicate, we reveal characteristics about ourselves to others as a way to connect with them—but we don’t often disclose too much information about ourselves at first. There are several factors that distinguish self-disclosure from other types of communication. Measures of self-disclosure include honesty, depth, availability of information and the context of sharing.

The social penetration model captures the breadth and depth of disclosure in which we engage when sharing information about ourselves to others. The Johari Window model describes the aspects of yourself of which you are aware and those that you reveal to others. We use these models to understand how self-disclosure works.

It is not always ideal or easy to be honest all of the time with others. Often we may not reveal information about ourselves, hint, lie or provide equivocal information to suit the interaction. How much we disclose to others depends on how comfortable we are with the other person, how appropriate it is, how constructive it is, and whether the other person will reciprocate. Self-disclosure always involves risks, but disclosing information to others to whom we feel connected can provide great benefits.