Chapter 10 Chapter overview

Conflict is an expressed struggle that inevitably occurs between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals. Conflicts may not always be easy, but they can be constructive.

There are several approaches to resolving conflicts discussed in the chapter: avoidance, accommodation, competition, compromise, and collaboration. Avoidance is a lose–lose approach in which people choose not to confront an issue directly. Accommodation is a lose-win approach and occurs when we entirely give in to others. Competition, a win–lose approach, is distinguished by power in problem-solving such that one person gets satisfaction and the other does not. A compromise in problem-solving gives all people at least some of what they want, although it involves everyone sacrificing part of their goals. Collaboration is a win–win approach that provides a solution in which all parties reach their goals without needing to compromise. Each approach may sometimes be necessary depending on the situation, the other people involved, and your goals. However, generally speaking, win–win approaches are recognized as the best solution to conflict.

Resolving conflict is not just a matter of individual choice. In reality, conflict happens within relational systems, and its character is usually determined by the way the people involved interact. Relational conflicts can be complementary, in which the partners use different but mutually reinforcing behaviours, or symmetrical, in which both partners use the same tactics. The same conflict can unfold in very different ways, depending on whether the partners’ communication is symmetrical or complementary, but both can provide good results as well as bad ones.

Serial arguments are repetitive conflicts about the same issue, and typically involve problematic behaviours, personality characteristics, and communication styles and practices. Some conflict approaches are toxic and can be particularly destructive to relationships. These include criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Conflict rituals are repeating patterns of interlocking behaviour that can influence conflict resolution. A willingness to modify or adjust a conflict ritual is more effective than using only one style for all conflicts.

Both gender and culture are variables that affect the way people manage conflict. Some research suggests that men and women approach conflicts differently (for example, findings that men tend to be more aggressive); however, others argue that these differences are rather small and not representative of commonly held stereotypes. Research on cultural differences demonstrates that conflict styles reflect our cultural values. North Americans prefer a more direct style of conflict than many Asian cultures, which is reflective of individualistic versus collectivistic orientations. Other factors that may influence our conflict style include our biological make-up, self-concept, and early home environment.

The chapter describes a seven-step approach to obtain win–win outcomes. Steps include the following: define your needs, share your needs with the other person, listen to the other person’s needs, generate possible solutions, evaluate the possible solutions and choose the best one, implement the solution, and follow-up on the solution.