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Communicating with Romantic Partners
Relational Stages
Romantic relationships tend to progress through stages of development, and sometimes, decline.
Toward Greater Intimacy
- Initiating
- Experimenting
- Intensifying
- Integrating
- Bonding
Toward Greater Distance
- Differentiating
- Circumscribing
- Stagnating
- Avoiding
- Terminating
Communication and Romantic Potential
- Communication differs in each stage of a relationship.
- Partners can shape relational trajectories.
- Relational development involves risk and vulnerability.
Gender and Intimacy
- Women tend to share their feelings more through words and men more through actions.
- Women often regard sex as a way to express intimacy, whereas men are more likely to think that it creates intimacy.
- Same-sex couples often have similar shared expectations and communication styles.
Love Languages
- Affirming words
- Quality time
- Gifts
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
Dialectical Perspective
Relationships involve continual negotiation between:
- Openness and privacy
- Connection and autonomy
- Predictability and novelty
Strategies for Managing Dialectical Continua
- Denial
- Disorientation
- Selection
- Alternation
- Polarization
- Segmentation
- Moderation
- Reframing
- Reaffirmation
Types of Deception
- Altruistic lies
- Evasions
- Self-serving lies
Ways to Express Conflict
- Nonassertiveness
- Indirect communication
- Assertiveness
- Passive aggression
- Direct aggression
Protect Yourself from Abuse
- Don't keep it a secret.
- Have a plan for defense.
- Don't blame yourself.
Hurtful Conflict Patterns
- Criticism
- Defensiveness
- Contempt
- Stonewalling
Steps in Win-Win Problem Solving
- Identify the problem and unmet needs.
- Make a date.
- Describe your problem and needs.
- Check your partner's understanding.
- Solicit your partner's needs.
- Check your understanding.
- Negotiate a solution.
- Follow up on the solution.